Well, there are a few reasons why I really need to write the following post.
As a journal entry, to let my friends and family know, and now to tell a story that might end up being told a hundred or more times to my now "new" family.
So......let me begin.
I always knew that I was born before my parents were married. This was a special story because I was at their wedding and there are many little snippets of info from all my aunts and uncles about the little comments I would make about it, during the ceremony.
Anyhow....when I was 12 years old, one of my cousins said "well he's not your biological dad".
I didn't know what it meant, so I asked my mom. Out it came that she had had a boyfriend, Roger and he was her first and lo and behold, she had me. It was a pretty entertaining story. She had been planning on giving me up for adoption through LDS services and couldn't do it.
Roger came to the hospital the day I was born and asked her to marry him. She said no.
His family fought with my family over me because there was an aunt that couldn't have children and she wanted to adopt me. Grandpa ran Roger off his property with a pitch fork once.
Yes....many stories. When I was a freshman in high school, MY dad (Ed) let us know that HE had a long lost daughter as well! Yes...it was very hard for me. I felt like, OH, now I am not his real daughter and he has one, so I can be replaced. SO...I thought, well I want to call MY "real" dad now too just to show him. So, I did. I dont remember much about that conversation other than he was less than impressed with me but did agree to meet me if I was ever in Idaho. We were living here on Bainbridge Island at the time. It just so happened that that same summer, we were down in Idaho and I called him. He wanted to meet at his work so mom drove me up to Nampa, stopping at the mall to buy me a brand new outfit so I would look as pretty as possible.
Mom had said he was really popular in school (football?) anyhow, so I made up a lie about how I was a cheerleader and model etc. to impress him. I remember seeing two framed photos of a little girl and little boy that he said were his kids ( my brother and sister). He was short and gruff with me and I think the whole meeting lasted about 20 minutes. In the end, I felt rejected, confused and hurt. My mother wouldn't even come inside, she waited out in the van, not wanting to see him. Fast forward ...I am 18 and my mother has just died. I call him and let him know and his response was "I dont have any room in my life for you, and what do you want from me, what do you want me to do". He said something to the fact that my mom wasn't a big deal to him, again, can't remember the words, just the impression I got from the conversation.
Anyhow....I have never spoken to him since. Fast forward again to Thursday night.
Facebook can be amazing. I have often thought of my little brother and sister but have not wanted to "rock the boat" and go behind Rogers back to find them. I didn't know their ages, just that they seemed a lot younger than me at 14. So, I started messaging (30 or so) people in the Nampa area asking if they were Roger's son/daughter. (sorry to my family, I told them that they found me, out of feeling loyalty to their feelings) Darci, my little sister messaged back.
Since then, I have heard from cousins/aunts etc. that I never knew existed. Last night, I had three cousins messaging me and another on the phone. They are so loving and welcoming, I now am feeling very gypped that I haven't known them longer. In the meantime, Roger is still not accepting me and not wanting to take a DNA test. If I were him, I would feel embarrassed and I am sure that is what is going on. How would you feel? Here is this incredible, close and loving family and you didn't own up to having a little girl AND she contacted you when she was younger?? I think he is going to hear about it for sure. I don't want a relationship with him.
There are a lot of hurt/angry feelings towards him. The biggest thing to me is....respect for my mother. Does he not even have enough respect for her that he would own up? For those of you that remember her, you know. For those of you who dont, she was an amazingly spiritual, soft spoken and sweet girl. She died of cancer at age 38 and her life was devoted to god and her children. So as I go through all of this, I will update you all. I am hoping to reunite with my little brother and sister soon. I have yet to hear from my brother, but Darci and I have been talking and it has been wonderful. We will have to do a DNA test to appease them, but I will and then we can move past this. For those of you new family members that are reading this, I hope I have answered some of your questions. Feel free to comment or email me directly at shatiekatie@hotmail.com.
xo
PS- Some things about me -
- I have 5 children and have been married 15 years this year
-I am LDS
-I own an Indie Arts and Crafts store downtown Bainbridge Island and do Indie Craft Bazaars as well (http://www.indiebanditas.com/)
-I love to write poetry, childrens books and once held an awesome job as an Indie film reviewer for an alternative newspaper.
-I am very social and love my friends
-I love food....cooking, eating...mostly eating
-I am very silly
-I LOVE films, especially indie ones
As a journal entry, to let my friends and family know, and now to tell a story that might end up being told a hundred or more times to my now "new" family.
So......let me begin.
I always knew that I was born before my parents were married. This was a special story because I was at their wedding and there are many little snippets of info from all my aunts and uncles about the little comments I would make about it, during the ceremony.
Anyhow....when I was 12 years old, one of my cousins said "well he's not your biological dad".
I didn't know what it meant, so I asked my mom. Out it came that she had had a boyfriend, Roger and he was her first and lo and behold, she had me. It was a pretty entertaining story. She had been planning on giving me up for adoption through LDS services and couldn't do it.
Roger came to the hospital the day I was born and asked her to marry him. She said no.
His family fought with my family over me because there was an aunt that couldn't have children and she wanted to adopt me. Grandpa ran Roger off his property with a pitch fork once.
Yes....many stories. When I was a freshman in high school, MY dad (Ed) let us know that HE had a long lost daughter as well! Yes...it was very hard for me. I felt like, OH, now I am not his real daughter and he has one, so I can be replaced. SO...I thought, well I want to call MY "real" dad now too just to show him. So, I did. I dont remember much about that conversation other than he was less than impressed with me but did agree to meet me if I was ever in Idaho. We were living here on Bainbridge Island at the time. It just so happened that that same summer, we were down in Idaho and I called him. He wanted to meet at his work so mom drove me up to Nampa, stopping at the mall to buy me a brand new outfit so I would look as pretty as possible.
Mom had said he was really popular in school (football?) anyhow, so I made up a lie about how I was a cheerleader and model etc. to impress him. I remember seeing two framed photos of a little girl and little boy that he said were his kids ( my brother and sister). He was short and gruff with me and I think the whole meeting lasted about 20 minutes. In the end, I felt rejected, confused and hurt. My mother wouldn't even come inside, she waited out in the van, not wanting to see him. Fast forward ...I am 18 and my mother has just died. I call him and let him know and his response was "I dont have any room in my life for you, and what do you want from me, what do you want me to do". He said something to the fact that my mom wasn't a big deal to him, again, can't remember the words, just the impression I got from the conversation.
Anyhow....I have never spoken to him since. Fast forward again to Thursday night.
Facebook can be amazing. I have often thought of my little brother and sister but have not wanted to "rock the boat" and go behind Rogers back to find them. I didn't know their ages, just that they seemed a lot younger than me at 14. So, I started messaging (30 or so) people in the Nampa area asking if they were Roger's son/daughter. (sorry to my family, I told them that they found me, out of feeling loyalty to their feelings) Darci, my little sister messaged back.
Since then, I have heard from cousins/aunts etc. that I never knew existed. Last night, I had three cousins messaging me and another on the phone. They are so loving and welcoming, I now am feeling very gypped that I haven't known them longer. In the meantime, Roger is still not accepting me and not wanting to take a DNA test. If I were him, I would feel embarrassed and I am sure that is what is going on. How would you feel? Here is this incredible, close and loving family and you didn't own up to having a little girl AND she contacted you when she was younger?? I think he is going to hear about it for sure. I don't want a relationship with him.
There are a lot of hurt/angry feelings towards him. The biggest thing to me is....respect for my mother. Does he not even have enough respect for her that he would own up? For those of you that remember her, you know. For those of you who dont, she was an amazingly spiritual, soft spoken and sweet girl. She died of cancer at age 38 and her life was devoted to god and her children. So as I go through all of this, I will update you all. I am hoping to reunite with my little brother and sister soon. I have yet to hear from my brother, but Darci and I have been talking and it has been wonderful. We will have to do a DNA test to appease them, but I will and then we can move past this. For those of you new family members that are reading this, I hope I have answered some of your questions. Feel free to comment or email me directly at shatiekatie@hotmail.com.
xo
PS- Some things about me -
- I have 5 children and have been married 15 years this year
-I am LDS
-I own an Indie Arts and Crafts store downtown Bainbridge Island and do Indie Craft Bazaars as well (http://www.indiebanditas.com/)
-I love to write poetry, childrens books and once held an awesome job as an Indie film reviewer for an alternative newspaper.
-I am very social and love my friends
-I love food....cooking, eating...mostly eating
-I am very silly
-I LOVE films, especially indie ones
-Dancing. I was in ballet for many many MANY years and still love to dance (hip hop)
- I am the oldest of 5 children (29, 27, 21,17)
-I love children. Love love love them. Mine, yours...strangers....love them
-I am fun (at least in my head I am)
-I am loyal and protective
My friends will for sure leave comments about my craziness....but don't listen to them!
- I am the oldest of 5 children (29, 27, 21,17)
-I love children. Love love love them. Mine, yours...strangers....love them
-I am fun (at least in my head I am)
-I am loyal and protective
My friends will for sure leave comments about my craziness....but don't listen to them!
Pps- I have to add (due to the comments) that I have not heard from Roger to hear his side, so please refrain from saying anything negative about him. He had two small children of his own and a wife and all of the sudden an "instant daughter". Who knows his rhyme or reason.
I am hoping with this post to tell a story that has not been told and give some insight into who I am in this whole equation. I am sure that someday, Roger and I will sit down and talk about all of this. For now, I am focusing on the positives of this situation. New family, loving family, new relationships. xo
4 comments:
a beautifully written post Katie. I'm sorry that you have had to suffer the rejection of your father. It's something we'd never wish on anyone but what a gift to have a sister who wants to know you and possibly a brother too. Reading this gave me goosebumps. hugs.
Thank you for sharing. You know as well as I do that fathers (well, our fathers--ALL of them) can be selfish and hurtful. The thing is---they don't even know it--oblivious to the love, loyalty and beauty that they have as a family. Embrace what you have and let the other go..........
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Your love, positive attitude and fun-loving nature shine in this post. You are a gift!
Wow, Katie, you could write a great memoir! :) I wish you all the best in getting to know your new family. They're lucky to have you!
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