Today has been another emotionally draining day. I am feeling inclined to start another blog for just this "new family" stuff.
What I have come to realize tonight (after a nonstop "thinking" fest today) is that no matter what....what I say, how I feel. what I am going through is mine and mine alone. I can't worry about how my family feels, or Rogers family feels. If I stop to consider everyone else's feelings, I have no time to consider mine and as of late....mine are quite the mess.
So if you are reading this and you are "old" family or "new", you read at your own risk.
I am not going to sugar coat anything or falsify anything else to make you feel better or because it is politically correct.
The fact is.....I know what I have been told since I found out about this whole mess and I choose to believe MY family.
So to my dear "new" aunt ....although your phone call today was as passive aggressive as one can get.....as I have been mulling over the things you said....I am feeling quite more angry and hurt than before.
That's great that Roger was a popular guy at school and that all his brothers were/are jealous of him.
Loved the comment that you didn't want to say that my mother "did or did not seduce him".
Questions of why would my mom being LDS "get with"with a non LDS guy, and saying that she couldn't marry Roger because he wasn't LDS. Look....my mom married my dad (Ed) who was catholic just a year later so.....
Your "stories" had me almost questioning my own family.....for a second. I understand the wanting to be protective of your little brother who couldn't even own up to his role in this situation. Ps- STILL wont own up to it and claims to be "too heartbroken" over his divorce to try to talk to me.I am SO angry. Why doesn't anyone that knew/remembers the situation own up to it??I keep getting the DNA test thing. "WHEN we get the test we'll know".....I KNOW. I know my mother. I know i know I know......and this is making me want less and less to do with this family.I am going to do it. Not only am I going to take the flippin test I paid for, but I am going to "pass" with flying colors and then what? I don't know. I know I have a little sister and brother that are worth it. That's what I am focusing on.
Phew......that all felt good to let out. I am angry. So angry I wont sleep tonight angry. I may or may not post this. I may post it and delete it tomorrow.
Who knows......
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