The Gerson Therapy

I am putting all my faith into the Gerson Therapy. I have watched the documentary "The Beautiful Truth" a few times now and I believe it works. We are spending the night at "other mother's" tonight and I made her watch it with me. We even found out that they have a special treatment facility in Mexico that she can go to for an intensive 3 weeks. Bonus? That I get to go with her at no extra cost. We were pumped up tonight making grocery lists and plans for the future, until I read an article that says that this diet has never been successful in Leukemia patients. I was so devastated that I didn't share this with her.

Talking with Shane tonight, I realized that this is what I do....I put off the reality of what is happening until it smacks me right in the face. I did this when my mom got sick. I denied until she was actually gone and even then....I held on to the dream that she would die and then come back to life. I even read every book imaginable on the subject. I was SURE that heavenly father would never take away the one person that I loved more than anything in the world. He would never take away a young mother of 5 children. Well...it happened and my earth shattered and I shut down. I am doing that now. I don't want to talk about it, think about it...etc. The possibility of her dying isn't something I think about. Do I need to? I don't know. I don't know how to.

All I know is that....every thing that I regret I never did, said, showed my mother I will do with Sandra. Every hug, smile, laugh and memory, I will savor. This is going to be extremely hard for all of us. She will begin treatment at the same facility my mother did. The same place my mother died. I know this will bring about an insane amount of emotion and pain, but he has a "plan" right? I have to know he does and.....he does. No matter how much I fight it....he does.

It's taking everything I have in me right now to not run upstairs and get into bed with her right now and cry (and I have lots of times in the past). I hate having to be strong.