If I would have blogged last night, which I really wanted/needed to, I would have blogged about my anxiety as a new store owner. I was feeling (as I am most nights lately) very out of whack and panicky about this new life of mine. The benefits very much outweigh the bad, but still......the new schedule, or lack of is really rocking my world. Mentally, physically.....emotionally.....all around.
I want to retreat into "normalcy". I have to remember the normalcy means me staying up way too late at night, sleeping in way to late in the morning and being awnry and physically tired all day.
Oh, and the guilt. BUT BUT BUT.......it was my normal. I had some great things in there too.
Late nights with my husband, cuddling with the little ones in the morning. Great one and one talks with the boys in my bed. Ah my bed. And while I am nostalgic for those times (notice that I am not mentioning any of my household chores here), I have to remember to focus on the good, things about what I am doing now.
I am in bed before 9 most nights. NEVER ever ever up past 11. I am up at 7 in the morning, wide awake and feeling good all day. Today we even read scriptures as a family! Yes....ME, in the MORNING before 9 am even!
I am reading again. (okay I am now sick to my stomach right now because I finished this blog and it was deleted until this point and now I have to rewrite it all)
I am not watching television or watching movies. YES......ME! I can't even remember the last time I did!
I am medicine free. For those that may not know, I have battled with panic attacks for years and after Mae was born, I was put on anti depressants that worked like magic. I weaned myself off them a couple of months ago and it is so nice to be able to know that my emotions are all mine.
So, when I get anxious about how busy life is now and unfamiliar and uncertain and uncomfortable......all the "uns", I want to be able to focus on those positives and these goals to make things feel normal when I get home finally after being gone from 8:30 to 5 or 6pm.
-Make dinner, no matter what. Every night.....cook dinner.
-Do homework with the boys, even though they are smarter than me......sit there and act smart in front of them.
-Do a load of laundry...(luckily, Shane is a neat freak and he and the boys have taken over most of the household chores)
-Give Mae and Rylan a bath, get teeth brushed, stories read and in bed.
-Drink sleepytime tea, pray as a family.....read......go to bed.
If I just stick to these things...I think I'll stay sane.....OH......and maybe.....JUST maybe
I may someday be able afford an employee. Pray for me!
Here are some of my happy times from today.
First photo of Mae way UP there is being stubborn and wont move way down here.
-So....my first happy for today was Mae playing dress up with me at the store. We made earrings for her out of curling ribbon.
-Second HAPPY was cooking dinner tonight. Fresh Sockeye salmon filet, rice pilaf and chinese long beans with garlic, lemon and olive oil. Yum. It felt really good to cook again.
Third happy.....clean kids fresh from the tub playing sweetly on the couch with their new stuffed animals. I know it's simple, but if you have kids, you know how precious and fleeting these moments are.
4th and final happiness.....fresh beautiful material from the fabric store. I have to admit that a bit of my anxiousness has been about not "creating". It's hard to be surrounded by so much beauty and not be able to work on a bit of my own. I am bringing my sewing machine tomorrow and will sew when it is slow. I am excited to make more party flags as they will be featured in the May/June issue of "Seattle Homes & Lifestyles" magazine! I just realized that I might not have even blogged about that! Anyhow.....the writer for this paper found our shop and photographed some pieces from the shop including my party flags that she didn't even know were mine. They will be featured in an "Island Life" article in the magazine. Yippeee!
Anyhow....phew.......long post. I think I got it ALL out!
2 comments:
You are Awesome! I love when my kids are fresh from the tub and smell wonderful.I need to go to bed too:) Creating just seems to hold life together.
You forgot to add one more big positive in your life . . . a whole slew of friends here who are soooo proud of you and what you are doing! We are always here to help, support & encourage you, Katie. Stick with this new life you're CREATING for your family, and never underestimate its lasting value.
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