I keep going to delete the "angry" post and I just cannot do it. I don't want to erase what I was feeling last night, so I am leaving it. They are true feelings and I need them to be a part of this blog. So, although today I am feeling, peaceful, calm.."over it". I did need to get the angryness out of myself before starting fresh this morning.
Hopefully today brings more peace. I do have to mention that right after my post last night, a lovely uncle Jim called me and let me know that just days before, he and his wife were talking about me and wondering what had become of me.
He was furious with Roger when I was born and let me know that if anyone needed a DNA test, to come to him.
Anyhow...today I actually have an employee and will take the morning off to focus on what is most important in my life next to God, my children.
xo
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Deep Breath..........and all the anger comes out
Today has been another emotionally draining day. I am feeling inclined to start another blog for just this "new family" stuff.
What I have come to realize tonight (after a nonstop "thinking" fest today) is that no matter what....what I say, how I feel. what I am going through is mine and mine alone. I can't worry about how my family feels, or Rogers family feels. If I stop to consider everyone else's feelings, I have no time to consider mine and as of late....mine are quite the mess.
So if you are reading this and you are "old" family or "new", you read at your own risk.
I am not going to sugar coat anything or falsify anything else to make you feel better or because it is politically correct.
The fact is.....I know what I have been told since I found out about this whole mess and I choose to believe MY family.
So to my dear "new" aunt ....although your phone call today was as passive aggressive as one can get.....as I have been mulling over the things you said....I am feeling quite more angry and hurt than before.
That's great that Roger was a popular guy at school and that all his brothers were/are jealous of him.
Loved the comment that you didn't want to say that my mother "did or did not seduce him".
Questions of why would my mom being LDS "get with"with a non LDS guy, and saying that she couldn't marry Roger because he wasn't LDS. Look....my mom married my dad (Ed) who was catholic just a year later so.....
Your "stories" had me almost questioning my own family.....for a second. I understand the wanting to be protective of your little brother who couldn't even own up to his role in this situation. Ps- STILL wont own up to it and claims to be "too heartbroken" over his divorce to try to talk to me.I am SO angry. Why doesn't anyone that knew/remembers the situation own up to it??I keep getting the DNA test thing. "WHEN we get the test we'll know".....I KNOW. I know my mother. I know i know I know......and this is making me want less and less to do with this family.I am going to do it. Not only am I going to take the flippin test I paid for, but I am going to "pass" with flying colors and then what? I don't know. I know I have a little sister and brother that are worth it. That's what I am focusing on.
Phew......that all felt good to let out. I am angry. So angry I wont sleep tonight angry. I may or may not post this. I may post it and delete it tomorrow.
Who knows......
What I have come to realize tonight (after a nonstop "thinking" fest today) is that no matter what....what I say, how I feel. what I am going through is mine and mine alone. I can't worry about how my family feels, or Rogers family feels. If I stop to consider everyone else's feelings, I have no time to consider mine and as of late....mine are quite the mess.
So if you are reading this and you are "old" family or "new", you read at your own risk.
I am not going to sugar coat anything or falsify anything else to make you feel better or because it is politically correct.
The fact is.....I know what I have been told since I found out about this whole mess and I choose to believe MY family.
So to my dear "new" aunt ....although your phone call today was as passive aggressive as one can get.....as I have been mulling over the things you said....I am feeling quite more angry and hurt than before.
That's great that Roger was a popular guy at school and that all his brothers were/are jealous of him.
Loved the comment that you didn't want to say that my mother "did or did not seduce him".
Questions of why would my mom being LDS "get with"with a non LDS guy, and saying that she couldn't marry Roger because he wasn't LDS. Look....my mom married my dad (Ed) who was catholic just a year later so.....
Your "stories" had me almost questioning my own family.....for a second. I understand the wanting to be protective of your little brother who couldn't even own up to his role in this situation. Ps- STILL wont own up to it and claims to be "too heartbroken" over his divorce to try to talk to me.I am SO angry. Why doesn't anyone that knew/remembers the situation own up to it??I keep getting the DNA test thing. "WHEN we get the test we'll know".....I KNOW. I know my mother. I know i know I know......and this is making me want less and less to do with this family.I am going to do it. Not only am I going to take the flippin test I paid for, but I am going to "pass" with flying colors and then what? I don't know. I know I have a little sister and brother that are worth it. That's what I am focusing on.
Phew......that all felt good to let out. I am angry. So angry I wont sleep tonight angry. I may or may not post this. I may post it and delete it tomorrow.
Who knows......
Sunday, April 4, 2010
New family
Well, there are a few reasons why I really need to write the following post.
As a journal entry, to let my friends and family know, and now to tell a story that might end up being told a hundred or more times to my now "new" family.
So......let me begin.
I always knew that I was born before my parents were married. This was a special story because I was at their wedding and there are many little snippets of info from all my aunts and uncles about the little comments I would make about it, during the ceremony.
Anyhow....when I was 12 years old, one of my cousins said "well he's not your biological dad".
I didn't know what it meant, so I asked my mom. Out it came that she had had a boyfriend, Roger and he was her first and lo and behold, she had me. It was a pretty entertaining story. She had been planning on giving me up for adoption through LDS services and couldn't do it.
Roger came to the hospital the day I was born and asked her to marry him. She said no.
His family fought with my family over me because there was an aunt that couldn't have children and she wanted to adopt me. Grandpa ran Roger off his property with a pitch fork once.
Yes....many stories. When I was a freshman in high school, MY dad (Ed) let us know that HE had a long lost daughter as well! Yes...it was very hard for me. I felt like, OH, now I am not his real daughter and he has one, so I can be replaced. SO...I thought, well I want to call MY "real" dad now too just to show him. So, I did. I dont remember much about that conversation other than he was less than impressed with me but did agree to meet me if I was ever in Idaho. We were living here on Bainbridge Island at the time. It just so happened that that same summer, we were down in Idaho and I called him. He wanted to meet at his work so mom drove me up to Nampa, stopping at the mall to buy me a brand new outfit so I would look as pretty as possible.
Mom had said he was really popular in school (football?) anyhow, so I made up a lie about how I was a cheerleader and model etc. to impress him. I remember seeing two framed photos of a little girl and little boy that he said were his kids ( my brother and sister). He was short and gruff with me and I think the whole meeting lasted about 20 minutes. In the end, I felt rejected, confused and hurt. My mother wouldn't even come inside, she waited out in the van, not wanting to see him. Fast forward ...I am 18 and my mother has just died. I call him and let him know and his response was "I dont have any room in my life for you, and what do you want from me, what do you want me to do". He said something to the fact that my mom wasn't a big deal to him, again, can't remember the words, just the impression I got from the conversation.
Anyhow....I have never spoken to him since. Fast forward again to Thursday night.
Facebook can be amazing. I have often thought of my little brother and sister but have not wanted to "rock the boat" and go behind Rogers back to find them. I didn't know their ages, just that they seemed a lot younger than me at 14. So, I started messaging (30 or so) people in the Nampa area asking if they were Roger's son/daughter. (sorry to my family, I told them that they found me, out of feeling loyalty to their feelings) Darci, my little sister messaged back.
Since then, I have heard from cousins/aunts etc. that I never knew existed. Last night, I had three cousins messaging me and another on the phone. They are so loving and welcoming, I now am feeling very gypped that I haven't known them longer. In the meantime, Roger is still not accepting me and not wanting to take a DNA test. If I were him, I would feel embarrassed and I am sure that is what is going on. How would you feel? Here is this incredible, close and loving family and you didn't own up to having a little girl AND she contacted you when she was younger?? I think he is going to hear about it for sure. I don't want a relationship with him.
There are a lot of hurt/angry feelings towards him. The biggest thing to me is....respect for my mother. Does he not even have enough respect for her that he would own up? For those of you that remember her, you know. For those of you who dont, she was an amazingly spiritual, soft spoken and sweet girl. She died of cancer at age 38 and her life was devoted to god and her children. So as I go through all of this, I will update you all. I am hoping to reunite with my little brother and sister soon. I have yet to hear from my brother, but Darci and I have been talking and it has been wonderful. We will have to do a DNA test to appease them, but I will and then we can move past this. For those of you new family members that are reading this, I hope I have answered some of your questions. Feel free to comment or email me directly at shatiekatie@hotmail.com.
xo
PS- Some things about me -
- I have 5 children and have been married 15 years this year
-I am LDS
-I own an Indie Arts and Crafts store downtown Bainbridge Island and do Indie Craft Bazaars as well (http://www.indiebanditas.com/)
-I love to write poetry, childrens books and once held an awesome job as an Indie film reviewer for an alternative newspaper.
-I am very social and love my friends
-I love food....cooking, eating...mostly eating
-I am very silly
-I LOVE films, especially indie ones
As a journal entry, to let my friends and family know, and now to tell a story that might end up being told a hundred or more times to my now "new" family.
So......let me begin.
I always knew that I was born before my parents were married. This was a special story because I was at their wedding and there are many little snippets of info from all my aunts and uncles about the little comments I would make about it, during the ceremony.
Anyhow....when I was 12 years old, one of my cousins said "well he's not your biological dad".
I didn't know what it meant, so I asked my mom. Out it came that she had had a boyfriend, Roger and he was her first and lo and behold, she had me. It was a pretty entertaining story. She had been planning on giving me up for adoption through LDS services and couldn't do it.
Roger came to the hospital the day I was born and asked her to marry him. She said no.
His family fought with my family over me because there was an aunt that couldn't have children and she wanted to adopt me. Grandpa ran Roger off his property with a pitch fork once.
Yes....many stories. When I was a freshman in high school, MY dad (Ed) let us know that HE had a long lost daughter as well! Yes...it was very hard for me. I felt like, OH, now I am not his real daughter and he has one, so I can be replaced. SO...I thought, well I want to call MY "real" dad now too just to show him. So, I did. I dont remember much about that conversation other than he was less than impressed with me but did agree to meet me if I was ever in Idaho. We were living here on Bainbridge Island at the time. It just so happened that that same summer, we were down in Idaho and I called him. He wanted to meet at his work so mom drove me up to Nampa, stopping at the mall to buy me a brand new outfit so I would look as pretty as possible.
Mom had said he was really popular in school (football?) anyhow, so I made up a lie about how I was a cheerleader and model etc. to impress him. I remember seeing two framed photos of a little girl and little boy that he said were his kids ( my brother and sister). He was short and gruff with me and I think the whole meeting lasted about 20 minutes. In the end, I felt rejected, confused and hurt. My mother wouldn't even come inside, she waited out in the van, not wanting to see him. Fast forward ...I am 18 and my mother has just died. I call him and let him know and his response was "I dont have any room in my life for you, and what do you want from me, what do you want me to do". He said something to the fact that my mom wasn't a big deal to him, again, can't remember the words, just the impression I got from the conversation.
Anyhow....I have never spoken to him since. Fast forward again to Thursday night.
Facebook can be amazing. I have often thought of my little brother and sister but have not wanted to "rock the boat" and go behind Rogers back to find them. I didn't know their ages, just that they seemed a lot younger than me at 14. So, I started messaging (30 or so) people in the Nampa area asking if they were Roger's son/daughter. (sorry to my family, I told them that they found me, out of feeling loyalty to their feelings) Darci, my little sister messaged back.
Since then, I have heard from cousins/aunts etc. that I never knew existed. Last night, I had three cousins messaging me and another on the phone. They are so loving and welcoming, I now am feeling very gypped that I haven't known them longer. In the meantime, Roger is still not accepting me and not wanting to take a DNA test. If I were him, I would feel embarrassed and I am sure that is what is going on. How would you feel? Here is this incredible, close and loving family and you didn't own up to having a little girl AND she contacted you when she was younger?? I think he is going to hear about it for sure. I don't want a relationship with him.
There are a lot of hurt/angry feelings towards him. The biggest thing to me is....respect for my mother. Does he not even have enough respect for her that he would own up? For those of you that remember her, you know. For those of you who dont, she was an amazingly spiritual, soft spoken and sweet girl. She died of cancer at age 38 and her life was devoted to god and her children. So as I go through all of this, I will update you all. I am hoping to reunite with my little brother and sister soon. I have yet to hear from my brother, but Darci and I have been talking and it has been wonderful. We will have to do a DNA test to appease them, but I will and then we can move past this. For those of you new family members that are reading this, I hope I have answered some of your questions. Feel free to comment or email me directly at shatiekatie@hotmail.com.
xo
PS- Some things about me -
- I have 5 children and have been married 15 years this year
-I am LDS
-I own an Indie Arts and Crafts store downtown Bainbridge Island and do Indie Craft Bazaars as well (http://www.indiebanditas.com/)
-I love to write poetry, childrens books and once held an awesome job as an Indie film reviewer for an alternative newspaper.
-I am very social and love my friends
-I love food....cooking, eating...mostly eating
-I am very silly
-I LOVE films, especially indie ones
-Dancing. I was in ballet for many many MANY years and still love to dance (hip hop)
- I am the oldest of 5 children (29, 27, 21,17)
-I love children. Love love love them. Mine, yours...strangers....love them
-I am fun (at least in my head I am)
-I am loyal and protective
My friends will for sure leave comments about my craziness....but don't listen to them!
- I am the oldest of 5 children (29, 27, 21,17)
-I love children. Love love love them. Mine, yours...strangers....love them
-I am fun (at least in my head I am)
-I am loyal and protective
My friends will for sure leave comments about my craziness....but don't listen to them!
Pps- I have to add (due to the comments) that I have not heard from Roger to hear his side, so please refrain from saying anything negative about him. He had two small children of his own and a wife and all of the sudden an "instant daughter". Who knows his rhyme or reason.
I am hoping with this post to tell a story that has not been told and give some insight into who I am in this whole equation. I am sure that someday, Roger and I will sit down and talk about all of this. For now, I am focusing on the positives of this situation. New family, loving family, new relationships. xo
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Seattle day
Today we had to shuttle the kids in to Seattle to visit their new orthodontist.
He is amazing, patient, kind, yaddi yadda.......the kids (N and M) need braces.
Brennan (the cause for the trip) well.....it's going to be a long road. Because his tooth was knocked out, they cannot just put braces on him. Now we have to see two specialists and he may even need surgery to correct his ginormous over bite. Poor guy. I just want him to have a smile that reflects the rest of him.
Moving on...afterwards, we headed to UW Hospital to check if my moms memorial plaque and quilt were still hanging. They aren't....(another story). SO...then to Dick's for burgers and shakes and on to the EMP. We went ahead and bought a membership due to the largeness of our family.
As soon as the boys were on their way, I took Mae (and Myron) and headed over to the Childrens Museum.
As it turned out.....KCTS was there filming something and Mae and Myron were filmed.
The little boy that they were filming happened to be the same little boy that stood next to Pres. Obama as he signed the new healthcare reform. Ps- He was obnoxious, pushy, ADD, and snotnosed. Bet they dont put that in their segment.
That's it for now.
The above photos were taken at the EMP dress like a rock store area that I enjoyed more than all of it put together. Just not my thing.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Want a good cry?
Yeah....you know you do. Click HERE.
Now tell me what you thought of that?!
OH and for afterwards to mop up those tears....head over to my new favorite
website....www.foodzie.com.
Mmmm
Now tell me what you thought of that?!
OH and for afterwards to mop up those tears....head over to my new favorite
website....www.foodzie.com.
Mmmm
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Happy Birthday Myron
Well...Myron is now a teenager. So far, he has been a pleasure and I hope/pray that this will continue through the few years we have left together. He stayed home from school and we headed to Big Star Diner for lunch. For his birthday presents, I said NO to electronics.SO....this didn't leave much. He/we decided that a shopping spree would be just what a teenage boy would want, so we headed to Silverdale.
He was so excited to get new shoes, jeans, shirts, boxers, SOCKS, and cologne. Then I did the unthinkable. I bought him a cell phone. Why you ask? Well....even though Nathan hasn't been the best example of phone use (texting when he should be sleeping, going through girlfriends like socks) it isn't fair to Myron. So, we'll see how all this goes. So far, in the month that Nathan has had HIS cell phone, it has been taken away about 6 times. Fingers are crossed.
Myron with all his Target loot. Oh how I wish they would build a Target in our area instead of icky Walmart. Around 1pm, the power in my shop went out and it started going out all over the Island. Being the wimp I am, we decided it was a great excuse to go to the awesome hotel just across the bridge from our house.The following will be photos from this trip...enjoy!
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